Posted by: Jack Hope | Thursday June 28, 2012

Thursday February 20, 2001

Letter writing and me have a long history, dating back to a friend of mine with whom I maintained an old fashioned mail correspondence with for a number of years. I have kept all of the letters that Julie has sent me over the years. I have also occasionally used the skill with other people and other situations prior to beginning this blog. When I took a three week trip to Europe while I was still with my ex-partner, Peter, I wrote to him a number of times sending old fashioned letters from Germany and Italy to him.

During my sorting and organizing last Tuesday, I came across this in a pile of newspaper clippings (I am probably the only person in my generation to have collected any newspaper clippings) that I have kept.  Buried under a clipping from 2006 entitled ‘Mr. Harper Goes to Ottawa’ from the Globe and Mail I found this, a half finished letter that I wrote over a decade ago and never sent to Julie:

Dear Julie,

In the last month my entire life has spun out of control. Everything has changed in ways I’d have never have predicted. I don’t know what to do at all. Everything is so confusing right now and I don’t know how to fix anything.

I’ve had to take a break from school, things have gotten so bad and then Sunday night I was told my entire division was being axed, a victim of a merger. This is the second job in a row I’ve lost to a merger and I don’t know what to do.

My parents keep pressuring me to move back home and I feel like I may soon have no choice. No choice whatsoever. My sister is taking off to Europe in a month. She’s going on one of the greatest adventures of her life and I’m staying in Calgary, being laid off, paying bills and failing school.

I feel totally directionless and I don’t know what to do to fix my life. Should I move home? Should I struggle on with school? Should I maybe move away?

This was during my second major depressive episode, before I had realized what it was. But with surprisingly little tweaking these words could have been written by me in 2004, in 2008, in 2010. My life spinning out of control and falling apart, again and again and again and having no idea what to do about it before it all crashes.

This is why I have to overcome my Depressive Disorder.

This is what has to stop.

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Responses

  1. I’m happy to have come across your blog today! We’ve got a game of tag going on and I’ve tagged you! Collect your tag here: http://quietbpd.wordpress.com/2012/06/28/tag-time-again/


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