Posted by: Jack Hope | Thursday August 16, 2012

Running Against Depression 4: Clearing New Hurdles

It seems that it is time for me to do another Running Against Depression blog post. This time because I’ve been battling some obstacles that have appeared in my path, some of my own making and some of the more random variety.

First off, my ‘maybe-it-was-maybe-it-wasn’t-hypomanic’ episode ended up throwing off my entire week. I know it sounds absurd but I really do feel as though I’ve been picking up the pieces from that for the whole week. It is one of the reasons that I haven’t been posting on here as frequently as I do otherwise.

I’m still in a hot-house flower stage, I only operate well in very exact conditions. I like my routine to be very precise in order to get things done. I don’t handle sudden disruptions (even if I cause them) to my schedule very well these days and that’s something that I am hoping to work on and adjust.

Running fit in perfectly with this clockwork schedule that I had established for myself. The program was had a more or less fixed time frame that I could add to my routine. In a way though it’s the same trap I’ve experienced with my most recent relapse, my routine protecting me from the realization that I was sliding backwards. Except this time, it’s the opposite effect, the disruption of my routine creating a feeling of chaos.

So now, for two weeks I have been struggling to run regularly, but either missing scheduled runs or not being able to complete runs that I began. Every missed run and every run that I wasn’t able to complete has just created further discouragement and frustration with the entire process.

Yet I have set myself goals that I intend to complete and those goals include both specific running targets and long term improvements to my physical health to support my mental health. So I’m taking the only practical step available to me.

I’m hitting the reset button.

Today is day zero again and I’m beginning the new eight week program from scratch again.  I won’t deny I’m a little annoyed by this but sometimes starting over on something from a clean slate is the best way to move forward.

I’m not giving up on this.

Just some new hurdles to jump.

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